the amusing auto rides

I am back to my favourite topic- auto rides in Delhi! Can't help it since that is my sole means of transportation in the city. I feel I can fill reams after reams of sheets with my experiences. My friends are of the firm opinion that it is just me who has the good fortune or misfortune (you can take your pick after going thru these accounts) of meeting such colourful autorickshaw drivers.
For instance, take day before yesterday. I had just finished an assignment in Safdarjung and was starving to death. All I wanted to do was reach the cosy recesses of my house in peace. After some six drivers having scurried away the moment I uttered the word jamuna paar, this one guy agreed to ferry me to East Delhi. Little was I to know that my dreams of a peaceful 40 minute journey were to go up in smoke in a matter of seconds. Deciding to test my knowledge of the city, he kept quizzing me about the names of roads and locations of famous landmarks. Not happy with just that, he started telling me of how some foreign ladies had made him cross the length and breadth of Connaught Place some ten times, when their destination was tucked away in the bylanes of Bahadur Shah Zafar Marg. And how our heroic all knowing auto rickshaw driver used his grey cells and found out the place without much help (mind you...he decided to exercise his grey cells after 2 hours of roaming abt aimlessly...bt thats just a small nuance). Just when I thought he would keep his heroic deeds to himself, he started telling me how much he hated the trade fair, which he had visited once in high school..and by the looks of it that must have been eons ago! Needless to say that I managed to reach home in one place, but my brain didn't. By that time, it had slowly disintegrated to a fine gooey pulp.
Or another time, when this one auto guy decided to test what happens if your brakes fail. That's great but why test it on me. As he wove his way in between trucks and buses and raced ahead of cars, I felt like asking him if he was chasing an invisible enemy. With a prayer on my lips, I hung on to dear life. Thankfully god answered and I managed to live the day to tell this tale. Oh and of course we got to know what happens when you don't apply brakes, the traffic gods swoop down on you and give you a big slip of paper with challan imprinted in bold.
And this I am sure must have happened to a whole lot of you- when you would tell the auto drivers to take a particular route and they would use their own imagination and take you all over town. Its ok if it happens once, its a little infuriating when it happens thrice but it can fill you with murderous rage if it happens all the time! Well, that's what seems to happen with me...not one auto rickshaw driver follows the route that I suggest...is it just my face which has moron wriiten all over it..or what is it people...pls pls tell
Oh and you must see the camaraderie between two auto drivers to believe it. To carry on a conversation that began at a red light, they are willing to take wrong turns, go below the speed limit (till it feels it would be better if I walked home) and stop traffic irrespective of the scores of vehicles honking at the back.
But you get to experience all this only if you get an auto. Somehow it seems that whichever place I wish to go to, the auto walahs wish to go in the opposite direction. I have walked kilometres waiting for a ride...but all I heard were loud NOs and some very innovative excuses. For the best excuses ever, please head to the auto stand in Mayur Vihar Phase I, just near the bus stand.
Once the conversation went like this:
Me: "bhaiiya auto khaali hai"
Group of auto drivers: "nahi"
Me (being a little bolder than usual): "kyun...saare auto tho khaali pade hain"
A middle aged auto driver: "humne daru pi hui hai...ab bolo..jaoge kya"
I could just blubber out a few inconsequential nothings due to the rage that was bubbling inside.
Another time, the daru had been substituted by tea, but the excuse essentially remained the same.
Another place that auto walahs decide to exercise their nakhras is ITO. It seems their heads are programmed only to nod out a negative. One day I just couldn't take it anymore and blurted out "aap log ek kaam kyun nahi karte..buses ki tarah auto pe bhi route list laga dijiye..ki app log is is jagah hi jaayenge aur is is jagah nahi jaayenge". The man looked at me as if I was delirious..gave me a pitiful smile and zoomed away.
These are just few of the zillion experiences that I have had with autos. Since for me this is a daily thing...I can promise you many more such tales (Even if you are already pakaoed of them..blaaa)